Total Drama Goes Wild Cause They're Animals
by SingleSaltyTears
Summary: Have you ever wondered how animals would be like playing Total Drama? No? Well, now you can find out! This is a 'fun' story, so don't expect a lot of serious stuff. Rated 13 for violence/slightly mature themes. COMPLETE!
1. Like they do on the Discovery Channel

**DISCLAIMER:** This is a story for fun. If you want mindless fun, this is for you. If you don't, then you probably won't get what you're looking for.

 **DISCLAIMER AGAIN:** The contestants are ALL animals. Lucas is a FALCON and Aldhair is a CAT. This is based on their profile pictures on Facebook.

 **DISCLAIMER THREE:** Have fun and drop a review on who you're rooting for! This story updates every two/three days.

* * *

 **Episode 1 - Animal Crossing!**

* * *

Chris: Welcome to a new season of Total Drama! This time, we're taking things to the extreme with animals competing!

Chris: We split them into two teams, the Badgers, made of Lion, Cheetah, Hyena, Lucas, Spider, Rat and Guinea Pig.

Chris: And the other team, the Spiders, is made of Pig, Dog, Aldhair, Staci, Badger, Goat and Cow.

Chris: Let's take a look at the first day for the Badgers... and it appears that the Lion ate the Hyena AND the Rat! Maybe that rat could have chewed through a rope that the Lion got stuck one day, but we'll never know. The Badgers are already down two contestants.

*Lion is flossing*

Cheetah enters the Confessional: *I'm going to cheat in the next challenge, hah!*

Spider enters the Confessional: *I'm gonna mate with someone and eat their heads*

Lucas enters the Confessional: *I am a bird. Squawk. Wait no that's a parrot.*

Chris: Meanwhile, over at the Spiders, Staci took control of the group.

*Staci is in a throne being celebrated as the yass queen of the jungle. Dog is incredibly annoyed and barks at Staci*

Staci: Shut up, you female dog!

Dog: *Barks*

Staci enters the Confessional: *See what I did there? I called Dog a B-I-T*

*Aldhair is praising the ground Staci is walking but considering Aldhair is a kitty cat he gets into a fight with Dog*

Aldhair enters the Confessional: *Too bad me and Staci aren't in a team with a real man, Lion. He's a real hunk of meat*

Still on the Spiders, the Cow is acting like a Cowrtney which is a hybrid of a Courtney and a Cow that Harold made on his science lab. The Cow is badgering the badger who's surprisingly not badgering anyone.

Pig enters the Confessional: *They may think I'm a pig, but I'm actually not a pig, I'm actually a fish! This is just my suit so I can live out of water. But I'll still play dirty! Mwahahahahaha!*

Chris calls the teams for the challenges and discovers that Lion ate the Cow. He just facepalms and shows the team to their first challenge, which is to walk through a field with traps.

Cheetah: I know! We should send Guinea Pig as a Guinea Pig!

Guinea Pig: That's specism! You're discriminating me based on my species!

Everyone on the badgers looks mad at Cheetah and he knows he'll go home if they don't win.

Cheetah enters the Confessional: *I need to play a better game! And by better, I mean, cheating!*

Cheetah goes and pickpockets Chris for the map. He tells that he will redeem himself by going first and is applauded. With the map, they easily win because they have a freaking map.

Chris: That was... uneventful.. Staci and the Spiders, you're sending someone home!

 ***Elimination***

Staci enters the Confessional: *I thought about eliminating someone but I'm a strategic mastermind and I know that you need to keep the goats to the end. My grandgrandfather invented the goats strategy*

Dog enters the Confessional: *I'm voting Staci!*

Chris begins saying who's safe. Aldhair is safe. Pig is safe. Dog is safe. Badger is safe. It's down to Staci and Goat. The last person safe is...

Staci!

*Everyone cheers*

Chris: Goat, sorry, but you're going home.

Goat enters the Confessional for the final words: *I'm sad I went home but since I'm a girl who got one confessional I'm probably gonna be a fan favorite*

 _*END OF EPISODE ONE*_

* * *

 **TEAMS** :  
Badgers - Cheetah, Lion, Spider, Lucas, Guinea Pig  
Spiders - Staci, Dog, Aldhair, Badger, Pig (actually fish)

 **ELIMINATED**  
14th - Hyena (Eaten)  
13th - Rat (Eaten)  
12h - Cow (Eaten)  
11th - Goat

 **GUYS  
** Cheetah, Lion, Lucas, Aldhair, Badger, Pig, Rat

 **GIRLS  
** Staci, Spider, Dog, Guinea Pig, Cow, Hyena, Goat


	2. A Game Of Prawns

**DISCLAIMER:** This is a story for fun. If you want mindless fun, this is for you. If you don't, then you probably won't get what you're looking for.

 **DISCLAIMER AGAIN:** The contestants are ALL animals. Lucas is a FALCON and Aldhair is a CAT. This is based on their profile pictures on Facebook.

 **DISCLAIMER THREE:** Have fun and drop a review on who you're rooting for! I'm a dirty liar regarding update schedule, so here's it in bulk.

* * *

 **Episode 2 - Queen of the Savannah**

* * *

CHRIS - Last time on TDGW, 14 animals were split into two teams, the Badgers and the Spiders. The Lion ate the Hyena, the Rat and the Cow, leaving us with only 11 contestants going into the challenge.

CHRIS - The Cheetah suggested the Guinea Pig to go first, but his team considered that he was not being PC, so he cheeted and the Badgers won the challenge.

CHRIS - On the Spiders, Staci took the leadership role and got on a fight with Dog, but in the end Goat was booted for not being a goat in the competition and was booted with zero lines. She'll probably be a fan fave.

CHRIS - Who will go home next? Don't miss this episode of TDGoes Wild!

* * *

 ***BADGERS***

Cheetah enters the Confessional: *I'm glad I managed to cheat and win for my team, I think I'd be voted out if we lost*

Cheetah approaches Lucas, who's eating some worms.

Lucas: *Squawk* I'm a bird!  
Cheetah: Yes. Yes you are. Anyway, I wanted to know if you wanted to make an alliance? I think I'm a bit on the outs of the team and with only 5 members we'd need 3 for the majority.  
Lucas: Sure!  
Chris: Dammit so it was only 14 contestants? D:  
Cheetah: Yes. Anyway, who should we pick? Not Guinea Pig, I get the feeling he dislikes me.  
*Guinea Pig is walking around with a sign saying 'DIE CHEETAH'*  
Lucas: What about Spider? She's cool!  
Spider: Hello? *Nibbles on Lucas ear and takes a bite off*  
Lucas: See?  
Cheetah: Uh... sure!

Lion approaches the Guinea Pig and almost eats him but holds back.

Lion enters the Confessional: *I need to control my hunger I already ate three other contestants*

* * *

 ***SPIDERS***

Dog is wondering how she's still here. She goes to ask Staci but is confronted by Aldhair.

Aldhair: What is your business with the queen of the savannah?  
Dog: I wanna know why I didn't get any votes!  
Aldhair: You are useful for the plans of queen Staci.  
Dog: I will NOT be a PAWN for STACI!  
Prawn: I will NOT be a PRAWN!  
Dog: But you are one.  
Prawn: Oh :c  
Staci: Who is using my name in vain?  
Dog: I AM!  
Staci: Good. We should make an shmalliance! My great fore feathers invented it.

Staci enters the confessional: *Dog is a Goat and Goat wasn't a Goat so I'm taking Dog to the end!*

Dog enters the confesional: *I know her plan, she don't trick me! WOOF!"

Badger: Hey Pig  
Pig: ...who are you talking too?  
Badger: You, Pig  
Pig: Oh yeah, I'm a Pig! True!  
Badger: Uh...

Pig enters the confessional: *It's hard to remember you're a pig when you have the memory of a fish*

* * *

 ***CUT TO THE CHALLENGE***

Chris: The Challenge is to stay in the air for longest!  
*Lucas begins flying and Spider uses a web*  
Chris: Badgers win!  
Badger: I did?  
Chris: No, the Badgers' Team Won!  
Badger: Oh cool.

At the elimination Badger is eliminated for badgering everyone. Meanwhile, on the Badgers team, Lucas is shown being enveloped on a web while he sleeps peacefully, with Spider showing a evil grin on her eyes.

* * *

 **TEAMS** :

Badgers - Cheetah, Lion, Spider, Lucas, Guinea Pig  
Spiders - Staci, Dog, Aldhair, Pig (actually fish)

 **ELIMINATED**  
14th - Hyena (Eaten)  
13th - Rat (Eaten)  
12h - Cow (Eaten)  
11th - Goat  
10th - Badger

 **GUYS  
** Cheetah, Lion, Lucas, Aldhair, Badger, Pig, Rat

 **GIRLS  
** Staci, Spider, Dog, Guinea Pig, Cow, Hyena, Goat


	3. Liars and Cheaters

**DISCLAIMER:** This is a story for fun. If you want mindless fun, this is for you. If you don't, then you probably won't get what you're looking for.

 **DISCLAIMER AGAIN:** The contestants are ALL animals. Lucas is a FALCON and Aldhair is a CAT. This is based on their profile pictures on Facebook.

 **DISCLAIMER THREE:** Have fun and drop a review on who you're rooting for! I'm a dirty liar regarding update schedule, so here's it in bulk.

* * *

 **Episode 3 - Eye of the Spider**

* * *

CHRIS - Last time on TDGW, Cheetah, Lucas and Spider made an alliance on the Badgers! Lion was also struggling to not eat anyone.

CHRIS - And Dog/Aldhair/Staci, the unlikely team, also are sticking together, while Pig is having trouble hiding he's a fish.

CHRIS - In the end, the Badgers won the challenge, and Badger was sent home! Who will go home next!

* * *

 ***THEME SONG***

* * *

Camera flies over the spider team. Pig is thinking in the mud.

Pig enters the confessional: *I need to play dirty! I haven't been playing dirty enough, and we already lost twice!*

Dog, Aldhair and Staci made peace and are playing a friendly game of 'punch each other in the face until they pass out'.

Aldhair: This is so fun! _:v_  
Dog: I know!  
Aldhair: :3

The two pass out and Staci cracks her knuckles

Staci: Still never lost a match.

* * *

Camera flies over the Badgers, Lucas is nowhere to be seen.

Cheetah: We lost an alliance member  
Spider: Yes, darling.  
Cheetah: We must pull one of them to our side!  
Lion: Hey guys! *Burps Guinea Pig*  
Cheetah: Nevermind.

* * *

 ***CHALLENGE***

* * *

Chris: Hey how's it going! Wait, where's Guinea Pig and Lucas? LION did you eat them too?  
Lion: Nooo...  
Chris: LIIIIOOOOON  
Lion: Okay I ate Guinea Pig but I didn't eat Lucas! Maybe!  
*Spider smirks*  
Chris: Well considering there's only 7 of you here congrats you MERGED. Your first challenge after the merge is to punch each other in the face 'til you knock out!  
Aldhair: I'm glad we practiced!  
*Staci wins!*  
Chris: Staci wins! Let's wait until everybody is up again to vote someone off.

* * *

 ***ELIMINATION***

* * *

Pig enters the Confessional: *Time for my ultimate plan!*

Cut to the elimination area. Pig is missing. Everyone looks at Lion and his shoulders drop, sadly. Lion is voted off unanimously for eating everyone. 5 left.

We cut to the Spiders' den. Lucas is wrapped up completely in a web. Spider goes there and caresses his face with 6 of her arms. (Because she's standing on the other two).

Spider: "I'm back, Darling, and I didn't lie on my first confessional"  
Lucas: "Oh *expletive*"

* * *

 **ELIMINATION ORDER**  
14th - Hyena (Eaten)  
13th - Rat (Eaten)  
12th - Cow (Eaten)  
11th - Goat  
10th - Badger  
9th - Guinea Pig (Eaten)  
8th - Lucas (Eaten?)  
7th - Pig who is actually a fish (Eaten)  
6th - Lion

 **REMAINING** :  
Spider, Cheetah, Dog, Staci, Aldhair


	4. Eight Legs Up In the Race

**DISCLAIMER:** This is a story for fun. If you want mindless fun, this is for you. If you don't, then you probably won't get what you're looking for.

 **DISCLAIMER AGAIN:** The contestants are ALL animals. Lucas is a FALCON and Aldhair is a CAT. This is based on their profile pictures on Facebook.

 **DISCLAIMER THREE:** Have fun and drop a review on who you're rooting for! I'm a dirty liar regarding update schedule, so here's it in bulk.

* * *

 **Episode 4 - Oooh Baby It's a Wild, Wild World!**

* * *

CHRIS - *Facepalming* Last time on TDGW, Guinea Pig, Lucas and Pig were eaten, and Lion was voted off for eating them. Also the teams merged. Now let's finish this before I get eaten because come on.

CHRIS - Who of the final five will win? Let's find out tonight on TOTAL DRAMA GOES WILD!

* * *

 ***THEME SONG***

* * *

Staci: See? Under my leadership we all made the final five. Btw my auntie Gerturde was the one who created the concept of leadership. Before her everyone just did what they wanted to do.  
Aldhair: Wow, that's awesome :3  
Dog: Yeaahhh, sure...

Dog enters the Confessional: *We have the majority, but it's also my only chance to take out Staci, who is the biggest threat ever!*

Staci enters the Confessional: *We have the majority, but it's also my only chance to take out Aldhair, who is the biggest threat ever!*

Aldhair enters the Confessional: *We have the majority!* He dances

Cheetah is looking at the horizon.

Cheetah: Final Five, huh. It's really a dog eat dog world.  
Dog: WHAT? Are you saying that just because I'm a dog! That's discrimination based on species!  
Aldhair: Yes, plus, it was the lion anyway. He was the one who ate half the cast :3  
Cheetah: It's an expression! I didn't mean that!

Dog enters the confessional: *Scratch that, Cheetah is going home now!*

Spider comes back, with a bloodied face. Everyone shrugs and lets it go like a bunch of nobodies.

Chris calls them.

* * *

Chris: Congrats for making the Final Five in 3 episodes! That was wonderful, we're for SURE getting renewed now. Anyway, your first challenge of the Final 5 is a simple challenge. You need to climb that tree as fast as you can.

Spider: Sure.  
*Spider climbs to the top like a Spider*  
*Aldhair begins sliding down the tree like a cat slides down a curtain*  
*Staci doesn't even try claiming that she already proved she's awesome*  
*Cheetah tries to cheat but fails*  
*Dogs don't climb trees and we all laugh at her*

Chris: Well, it's obvious, Spider wins.  
*Cheetah looks down, sad, knowing he's going*  
Staci: Well, not necessarily...

In the elimination ceremony, Staci uses Cheetah and Spider to eliminate Aldhair, who is blindsided.

Aldhair: WHAT? Staci, I thought we were good to the Final 2! _:3_  
Staci: That was a lie. My pops invented lies one billion years ago.  
Aldhair: When did you get so good at lying?! :v  
Staci: Oh, Aldhair, I always have been. Being bad at lying, was, guess what, a LIE!  
Aldhair: OMGG _:3_ Well, at least I played with the best! I want my lock for Season 2 Chris!  
Chris: You think we'll ever do a season with animals again?  
Aldhair: Well you just need herbivore ones :v  
Chris: AMAZING idea!

Aldhair goes home to become a kingpin.

* * *

Chris: You have a ten minute break before the Final Four challenge. Enjoy!

Spider quickly jumps offscreen while Cheetah and Staci discuss who is going next.

Dog enters the Confessional: *I should have booted Staci! That witch!*

Staci enters the Confessional: *Spider, then Cheetah. Dog is clearly the easiest person to beat! That witch with a B!*

* * *

Spider goes back to her den and begins cuddling with Lucas, the falcon. Who is trying to break free of the web and has already lost a few limbs and parts of the wing.

Spider: Remember my first confessional? I'm gonna mate with someone and then freaking eat them.  
Lucas: How could I remember, it was a confessional, I wasn't there!  
Spider: Oh. Then I guess I didn't give you a fighting chance.  
Lucas: No you didn't! And if I wasn't actually losing my limbs that'd be a bit kinky but THIS IS CROSSING THE LINE!  
Spider: Well sure, darling, but I have to ask...

Spider: ...who cares?

She smirks and spiders dance on the background.

* * *

 **ELIMINATION ORDER**  
14th - Hyena (Eaten)  
13th - Rat (Eaten)  
12th - Cow (Eaten)  
11th - Goat  
10th - Badger  
9th - Guinea Pig (Eaten)  
8th - Lucas (Eaten?)  
7th - Pig who is actually a fish (Eaten)  
6th - Lion  
5th - Aldhair

 **REMAINING** :  
Spider, Cheetah, Dog, Staci


	5. Dawn of a New Era - Finale!

**DISCLAIMER:** This is a story for fun. If you want mindless fun, this is for you. If you don't, then you probably won't get what you're looking for.

 **DISCLAIMER AGAIN:** The contestants are ALL animals. Lucas is a FALCON and Aldhair is a CAT. This is based on their profile pictures on Facebook.

 **DISCLAIMER THREE:** Have fun and drop a review on who you're rooting for! I'm a dirty liar regarding update schedule, so here's it in bulk.

* * *

 **Episode 5 - Finale - Owl's Well that Ends Whale**

* * *

Chris: We're continuing straight into the Final Four challenge! Last time, Staci betrayed Dog and Aldhair and Mr. Kitty Cat : _3_ went home. Who will be next?

Dog enters the Confessional: *I need to win - Staci betrayed us and she's probably going to gun for me next*

Staci enters the Confessional: *I don't need to win, I'm making the Final 3 for sure!*

Spider enters the Confessional: *I need to win so I can eat someone's head and also get a million dollars*

Cheetah enters the Confessional: *Just realized I'm the last guy in the show! Go me! But I need to win! And to win I need to cheat!*

Chris: Your Final Four and Final Challenge is going to be your hardest one yet. It's the challenge of hula-hoops! You need to work out these hoola-hoops and do the most hoolas out of everyone!  
Dog: Oh no! I suck at Halo-Harps  
Cheetah: I suck at Hoola-Boops!  
Staci: I suck at Spoola-Coops!  
Spider: I don't.

Everyone gasps and Spider easily wins.

Staci enters the Confessional: *I was hoping Spider would lose so we could vote with her. Now do I keep Cheetah, who would vote with me, or vote Dog, who is easier to beat but we are not on the best terms?*

Dog enters the Confessional: *Okay, time to vote for Staci! She's going down!*

Cheetah enters the Confessional: *This is a really important vote. It could decide if I'l get into the Final 2 or if I'll come up short.*

Spider enters the Confessional: *It's TIME. My hunger cannot be contained anymore and I must feed!*

We cut to the elimination ceremony. Spider is safe, even if she's nowhere to be seen and didn't even vote. Staci is safe. It all comes down to Cheetah and Dog.

Intense staredown at each other.

Chris smirks and throws the last marshmallow to Dog. Dog just barks in glee.

Cheetah: Why me?  
Staci: You're too dangerous and will probably cheat to win.  
Cheetah: True dat.  
Dog: Count your days, though, Staci, I'm taking you down!  
Staci: Well tough luck, hon.  
Dog: Well you should go die in a fire, hun, because you're the most savage animal I have ever met!  
Staci: Eeeeeh, I've heard worse.

Chris: Dog, Spider, Staci! You're the Final 3! You will partake on your last challenge right after the break! One of you will win one million dollars!

* * *

We cut to the cave. Lucas is hurt, broken, and is already missing a full wing.

Lucas: I TOLD YOU THIS IS FAR PAST THE ACCEPTABLE LEVEL OF KINK  
Spider: ... not for me.  
Lucas: As a Falcon from the great england, I'd at least expect a cup of tea first before the date.  
Spider: I'm more forward than that.  
Lucas: Fair enough.  
Spider: Shut up and kiss me.

What entails next is not something for the weak of mind!

 **WARNING**

 **JUST KIDDING**

The cave of the wall collapses. Spider prepares to rip out Lucas' head, but Goat bursts through the wall, making goat noises.

Lucas: Goat?  
Goat: No! I am... Dawn!  
Lucas: Dawn?! What a twist!  
Dawn: What? I even said on my elimination that I was UTR Mysterious Girl it should have been obvious.  
Lucas: Also, can you please help me quickly.  
Dawn: Oh, alright!

Dawn uses her magic witch goat powers to push Spider out of the top of Lucas, and his head isn't ripped out anymore! Yay!  
Spider: Dammit! I'll be back and I'll eat your goddamn head!  
Lucas: You can try but I want to be taken out to dinner first!

Spider spiders away to the sunset  
Lucas: Thanks for saving me! I'm glad no one had to die!  
*Cut to Lion's belly where like there's 5 dead people*  
Lucas: No one had to die!  
Lucas takes Dawn by his talons and goes to the sunset too.

* * *

We cut to the final challenge. With spider gone, it's between Staci and Dog. Since like, who cares about challenges, Dog wins! Staci swears to take revenge.

Staci: Well, I at least won on the alternate ending.  
Chris: Those don't exist they're lies to appease the petty viewers.  
Staci: NOOOOOOOOOO.

Staci barrels aways towards the sunset while Dog comemorates his million dollars.

Chris: Thanks for the great season! Yes it was only 5 episodes but like, who cares, it was still great! I'm so sad for the families of the animals who died, but then again, who cares, it was still great!

Chris: See you next time on Total Drama Goes Wilder!

Everyone is happy. Including João, who wasn't even in the story.

 **THE END. (OR IS IT?)**

* * *

 **Winner: Dog!**  
 **Runner-Up: Staci**

 **Other Placements**  
3rd - Spider (Quit)  
4th - Cheetah  
5th - Aldhair  
6th - Lion  
7th - Pig Fish (Eaten)  
8th - Lucas  
9th - Guinea Pig (Eaten)  
10th - Badger  
11th - Dawn  
12th - Cow (Eaten)  
13th - Rat (Eaten)  
14th - Hyena (Eaten)

* * *

Lucas and Aldhair are my close friends and don't mind being portrayed negatively. They rule.


	6. Reunion Special

**DISCLAIMER:** This was a story for fun. If you wanted mindless fun, this was for you. If you didn't, then you probably didn't get what you were looking for.

 **DISCLAIMER AGAIN:** The contestants are ALL animals. Lucas is a FALCON and Aldhair is a CAT. This is based on their profile pictures on Facebook.

 **DISCLAIMER THREE:** Woop Woop, the end! Or is it?!

* * *

 **REUNION SPECIAL**

* * *

The camera flies over the Savannah Del Losers. Everyone (including Staci because Dog was feeling nice) is swimming in a pool of the million dollars. Chris stomps his feet annoyed.

Chris: No rivalries? No hard feelings?  
Staci: Nope! We decided to split the money because, after all, nothing's worth more than friendship.

Staci (Conf): Nah, the moment I step into Canada I'm running away with everything.

Aldhair: Yes, I have forgiven Staci for eliminating me, because that was a really good blindside anyway. This is the sort of thing you shake off and learn for next opportunity :3  
Chris: ...sure...  
Cheetah: And I learned that Cheating never pays off!  
Chris: Except for the fact you got 4th, which is actually pretty good?  
Cheetah: ...good point. But it will make you be accused of discrimination based on species.  
Dog: DIE IN A FIRE!  
Chris: Oh good, we have someone bitter over the whole experience. And it's the winner to top it off!  
Staci: Yeah what a bitter b-i-t-C-I-T wait no I went wrong somewhere on those lines  
Dog: You shuddup! You were annoying me the whole time!  
Staci: Because you were someone I was supposed to easily beat! Or do you think I'd take Spider to the end?  
Dog: Who cares she vanished and went to do whatever.

*Spider passes nearby and just shrugs*

Spider: I didn't go do 'whatever', I went to do someone *blinks with 5 eyes* special.  
Dog: Whatever!  
Staci: EIther way, I could not have predicted that! So why don't you stop being annoying?  
Dog: Screw YOU! I should have booted you when I had the chance back at the first boot!  
Staci: Shoulda Woulda Coulda. Didn't.  
Aldhair: Yeah like, Dog, shut up :3  
Dog: You were betrayed by her! Why aren't you acting like you are supposed to?  
Aldhair: I got over it.  
Dog: Yeah? I think you're really just a passive freak. Haha, the cat is a pussy wimp freak, haha, it fitssssss!  
Aldhair: Shut up!  
Cheetah: Yeah, Dog, that's like, not very nice. Why don't, you, I don't know, let it go.  
Aldhair: Oh not another Elsa reference _:3_  
Cheetah: It wasn't, I mean, I just don't think you should hold grudges, life's too short for that. I mean, Aldhair has 9 lives but you Dog, you don't!  
Dog: OH YOU'RE DOING THE DISCRIMINATION THING AGAIN, WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PIECE OF GARBAGE!  
Aldhair: Yeah, dude, I didn't ASK to have 9 lives, sheesh. Are you asking for trouble?  
Cheetah: The season is OVER and you're still doing that?  
Dog: Doing what? Fighting for my rights? ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN I'LL LET YOU KNOW THAT!  
Cheetah: Isn't that a movie title?  
Dog: SHUTTTT UUUUP! *Dog storms somewhere*  
Cheetah: What's with her mood?

* * *

The camera cuts to Goat, Badger and Lion, who are a bit ways off from that group of four, on the pool table, relaxing.

Chris: What about you guys. Enjoying the resort?  
Badger: Ehhh, yeah.  
Chris: ...do you ever have anything interesting to say?  
Badger: Nahhh, ehhh...  
Chris: What about you, Lion? You ate five contestants, I mean, come on, you had a pretty crazy journey.  
Lion: Yes, and I'd like to highlight that I was INNOCENT in eating Lucas. He wasn't eaten like everyone accused me.  
Chris: You had a track record of eating 4 other people by then. It's not hard to believe you'd be the most likeliest culprit.  
Lion: That IS true and I still want my defense attorney through the show.  
Chris: Haha, tough luck, your contracts don't allow suing, I thought ahead this time. If someone sues you, you have to deal with it on your own.  
Lion: Ahhh, that blows. *Lion pouts*

Chris: What about you, Goat?  
Goat: I feel great, Chris!  
Chris: But you were booted, like, 4th or something. And that's because people got eaten.  
Goat: Yeah, but I did some good stuff at the finale!  
Chris: I... I didn't see you there.  
Lucas: What, you didn't know? Spider almost killed me and Goat saved me. Also Goat is Dawn.  
Dawn: Hello.  
Chris: Uhhh, yeah we already have a TD contestant put the costume back on.  
Dawn: Sure.  
Chris: I need to have more cameras, you mean we missed all that exciting stuff?  
Lucas: Meh, it would probably not air on a kids network. Too much limbs detaching and rose whips.  
Chris: We also have deals with other networks.  
Lucas: Anyway, thanks again, Goat!  
Goat: Sure, you can count on it!  
Spider: Hey, Falcon, why did you leave meee. Come feed me some more grapes!  
Lucas: Sorry, I have to go pamper and be pampered!  
Chris: Wait, didn't she almost kill you?  
Lucas: Yeah, but that's water under the bridge. We had a nice candlelight dinner, some tea, and now we're going with something more normal.  
Spider: Come over here right now, darling! I must feed again! *She snaps 6 of her arms*  
Lucas: Sure thing! *Turns to Dawn and Chris* Sorry, gotta go appease the missus.  
Dawn: *Takes out the mask* That's... normal?  
Chris: Yeah, I don't think s- DAWN PUT THE MASK BACK ON.  
Goat: *Quickly puts the mask back on* Sure.

Aldhair: Wait, isn't she STILL going to eat your head? _:3_  
Lucas: Oh, I replaced my head with a robot one, so that's like, all the fun with none of the cons.  
Aldhair: Khe? :v  
Cheetah: Dude, that's like cheating at life. Awesome move.  
Lucas: *Giddy* I knowwww!

* * *

Chris: God, why is everyone letting things go? Uh, I think that's done. At least... uh, I hope we're not forgetting anyone!

Camera cuts to inside Lion's stomach. The eaten contestants are all playing cards.

Cow: It's crowded in here.  
Guinea Pig: Yup.  
Hyena: *Throws card on the table* Go Fish.  
Pig: What?  
*Everyone looks at him, awkwardly*  
Pig: Oh yeah I'm a pig, oink! Oink!  
Rat: ...anyway, this place isn't so bad, after all.  
Cow: Nah it sucks.  
Rat: Yeah.

Chris: So, this is it. It's the end! Catch us next time on...

*Pauses as the camera flies back*

Chris: Total Drama Goes **WildER**! YES, NAILED IT!  
Spider: Yesssssss  
Lion: *His stomach bulging* Ughhhh

*The camera flies even further back, and we see a huge whale carrying the resort on her back*

* * *

It's Over! Woop Woop! Sorry for not uploading this quickly, but I got caught up on other stuff. Thanks to Lucas and Aldhair for being good sports, thanks for all that read this mess, and all that. Catch you next time, on, probably, Total Drama Ice Age. Why not.


End file.
